From the Desk of…
Hopefully everyone had an enjoyable holiday. Me, I spent it in the way that 2003 Meow would’ve wanted: alternating bouts of WarioWare with episodes of The Simpsons and Godzilla movies. I also had some spaghetti. In the news, we had a big sports game with surprise pregnancy announcement on Sunday. No primaries will be held in Columbus, as the Board of Elections didn’t certify enough candidates to warrant it. Conn’s is gonna start making Mikesell’s. My guy John Russell’s been doing some great coverage of the ongoing ecological disaster of the East Palestine train wreck. There was a nice follow-up about the shooting at Dick’s Den last year, and a mass shooting at Michigan State. Oh, and the UFOs. It was kind of a busy week, I guess. Maybe that’s why I’m so tired. I’m tired, and my back hurts, and I seem to be getting increasingly asked to do things at work, and yet I’m carving out time to make this digest for you. And people say my priorities are out of order! Did anything fun fall out of my brain this week?
The Brain Dump
when i sign off an email with "Hope this helps!" i don't actually hope it helps. if anything, i hope it hinders.
Columbus needs something UNIQUE where I and my friends can do all the things I like for FREE and all the drinks should be top-shelf and no college kids should be allowed in there and also the food is good, like, better than a bowling alley good. also it should have bowling.
you never see any viral videos like "polite interaction at gas station" or "i went shopping and no fights broke out"
I am picking up the red phone and ordering a tactical knife drone strike on the Rupert Murdoch/Elon Musk box
i volunteer to get blasted by an alien death ray. i will drive to nevada if i have to. it would be so sick to die as part of the first contact brush war, but like, on the first day. like turn my skeleton green. blow up the building i'm on. we can make this work.
Lots of other stuff fell out too, but I’m not embedding that many images. Bandwidth isn’t free, you know. I’m sending these emails one at a time through a 1200 baud modem.
At the Movies
Lot to pick through this week, remember you can see all my nonsense on Letterboxd.
Babe: Pig in the City (1998), dir. George Miller ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐❤️
"'this is cinema' - martin scorsese" - senator meow
Streets of Fire (1984), dir. Walter Hill ⭐⭐⭐
this opened and I said quietly to myself "that's a Jim Steinman song" because apparently my brain is so melted that I can identify Jim songs based on chord changes and structure and then I started wondering if this was a secret Jim Steinman musical I'd overlooked and then it wasn't but I kept thinking about what if it were and what a fantasy '50s Steinman musical with an '80s Meat Loaf lead would look like and then I realized Willem Dafoe was on screen and I'd been watching a different movie in my head for like half an hour and then it ended on a Jim Steinman song and no offense to the other talented artists on the soundtrack but please understand you are not Jim Steinman (though it is always nice to hear a little Buckingham Nicks in there)
but Willem Dafoe was good, and there was that song I used to hear on the radio in there
Dick Tracy (1990), dir. Warren Beatty ⭐⭐⭐⭐
They don't make them like they used to. They also never made them like this before this, and they also never will make one like this again.
In other Tracy news for all other Dickheads out there, Warren suddenly released a new special this weekend. Even if you aren’t (yet) Dickpilled, I heartily recommend you check it out on YouTube. It’s like half an hour, come on. You’ve wasted half an hour before.
One Picture
Remember: It is illegal to photograph me, per the city charter.
In closing,
Some things stay tough even many years later. That’s the way of the world, isn’t it?
Being a Dickhead's cool.