From the Desk of…
It’s one thing for me to get unstuck in time, but another entirely for me to have to wake up to snow on the ground while I’m adjusting the clocks. Simply ludicrous. Snow, which I broadly like, should be illegal in March and April. Now, I’ve been told never to celebrate the pain of another, which is why I pray for a quick end to Mitch McConnell’s suffering after that concussion and rib fracture. Larry Householder, however, was in no pain, and I freely celebrated his conviction on a gajillion counts of bribery. I didn’t really think they’d do it to him, and I look forward to seeing the appeal get slapped down. Of course, the downer in me says that the creation of Punished Larry doesn’t actually fix the bad laws that were passed and could set the stage for him to do some as yet unknown to me scheme - the creation of Outer Heaven? Ohio Heaven? Tennessee Lieutenant Governor Randy McNally, the man I learned about last week whose name sounds like a horny atlas, got several press hits for being horny online. As with so many situations, the worst part is the hypocrisy. We should be allowed to gas up our friends and comment on their thirst traps, but we really shouldn’t do it while also marginalizing and criminalizing their existence. Also, we had the first Twitter-induced bank run in Silicon Valley, which caused no end of whining and tantrums from the worst people you’ve ever learned about in your life. Don’t worry, they’ll get all the money they “risked” back, and it’ll totally “not” come from your taxpaying pockets.
I have no comments on the Academy Awards other than that I am very bad at guessing what the Academy will pick (but very very glad for some of the winners). I also have no comments on the “cocaine cat” now living in Cincinnati.
The Brain Dump
bad time to announce it but i have also been found guilty on racketeering charges
when I say Mid-Ohio, I actually mean Mid Ohio
wonder what life would be like if there were a restaurant that had wings, beer, and sports
my secret to not being affected by this SVB collapse? two things: having no money, and having no success
I'm done eating microplastics. From here on out, it's macroplastics or nothing.
As was rightfully pointed out, that last one is effectively the premise to David Cronenberg’s Crimes of the Future (2022). Better get the gut used to it now before options get more limited!
At the Movies
Some weird pulls this week! Must be thinking ahead for some reason.
The Fourth Kind (2009), dir. Olatunde Osunsanmi ⭐⭐⭐
Really only has the one type of scare, but the construction of the work and the way it plays with formats is rather interesting. It's almost like a hypertextual piece contained entirely within itself, recreations of "real footage" alongside the original "real footage" with interviews with the "real people" alongside the actors looking at the camera and saying they're actors but that what they're recreating is rooted in "reality." Actually, in writing this out, I think maybe I did like it more than as just a technical exercise, or maybe I just really liked the technical exercise.
Phase IV (1974), dir. Saul Bass ⭐⭐⭐⭐
With, like, a slightly tighter script... or maybe even just another fifteen or twenty minutes of people talking about what's going on... this would be a slam dunk. Great score, some great monumental horror shots... maybe the original ending would've put me over the edge for it. I adore its vibes, but there's just not enough solidity beneath its airy visuals.
Encino Man (1992), dir. Les Mayfield ⭐⭐⭐
This movie has two Academy Award winners, two Goonies, one Hobbit, and Pauly Shore.
America is overdue for the Pauly Shore revival. We have forgotten the simple pleasures of wheezin' the juice and munchin' on some grindage. Oww, oww, indeed.
One thing I’m increasingly sure of is that we are ready as a society for Scary Movie 6. Put Anna Faris in the Toni Collette role from Hereditary. Let the Wayans do a Jordan Peele send-up. We’ve got to endure a post-Craven Scream series, so why not?
One Picture
Cheating ever so slightly this week, but I am painfully curious.
In closing,
I have got to start sleeping better.