From the Desk of…
I’ll open with what everyone’s been waiting for: a review of the Grimace shake. First off, and you can quote me on this, it’s bologna that I couldn’t get them in sizes that weren’t Medium. I understand Ronald is trying to ration out the remaining Grimace, but come on. Maybe that was just my local McDonald’s jerking me around though. You ever eat a bowl of Boo Berry? Boo Berry, the lesser Monster Cereal, the guy who looks like Bing Crosby crossed with Casper? Grimace tastes like drinking the milk after a bowl of Boo Berry cereal. It’s fine. If you like blueberries, or artificial blueberry flavoring really, you’ll probably like it. If you like novelty, you’ll probably like it. If you like milkshakes, you’ll probably like it. Realistically, McDonald’s tends to sell things they think people will like, so whatever. It was like $3.50. I’ve lost that in the couch before. Anyway, on to the main attraction, let’s check the stringer wires. J.U.S.T. (Justice, Unity, and Social Transformation) pulled off a neat little stunt at Stonewall Pride this year, hiding their good banner until after the parade had started. That, of course, didn’t sit well with the parade’s corporate sponsors and cop-lovers, who quickly snuffed out the message as best they could when the banner hit the cap. Did you know you can materially support Community Pride right now? And, of course, a tip of the cap to those who this year reminded everyone they could that Stonewall was a riot. Juneteenth festivities seemed to go off without a hitch, so that’s nice. In case you were wondering when our state legislators would start focusing on the issues of everyday Ohioans, the answer seems to be “never, ever, ever” as they seem to be - as ever - on the cusp of missing the budget deadline due to hobgoblin infighting, but fear not! A bipartisan coalition has formed to designate July 1 as Taylor Swift Day. So… at least we’ve got that going for us. Meanwhile, the police department has simply decided to stop responding to public records requests, citing “staffing issues.” I’ll try that at my job and see what happens.
Okay. So, the submarine. In case, and I’ve found out this newsletter does break news on occasion, but in case you’ve not heard, some rich dillweed named Stockton Rush (real name, look it up) built a “submersible” with active disregard for safety measures and protocols, got five people to come aboard at $250,000 each, and took them down to see the Titanic. Well, he took them into the capsule and went somewhere at least. Strangely, it seems to have gone missing. Now, my theory? Violent, violent implosion and tragic deaths. I can’t help but wonder if that money couldn’t have been put to better use by, oh, doing something to aid the 800-some refugees and migrants who drowned in the Mediterranean this week. Ah, well, the unfailing logic of capitalism is known for its absolute and iron-clad workings.
The Brain Dump
I changed the lightbulbs in my bathroom but I didn't realize how much warmer they'd be so now when I turn on the light it's like activating the Breaking Bad Mexico filter
starting to think Stonewall Pride would rather focus on rainbow capitalism than queer liberation...
it's so exhausting, always being correct
yeah dad, can't make it for father's day. yeah the house got skinamarink'd again. i'm calling from the ceiling. alright, talk to you later if it lets me.
thinking about my third-grade teacher who took points off my project because she suspected I traced an image when it was actually just the single greatest thing I will ever draw. I could've gotten into the matchbook art school with that.
I did finish the new Zelda, and boy, it shows.
At the Movies
Okay, but this week I’m definitely going to go.
Far from Heaven (2002), dir. Todd Haynes ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
Hollywood should be contractually obligated to make one Sirkian melodrama a year
No Country for Old Men (2007), dir. Joel and Ethan Coen ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
impossible for me to watch without hearing "you thirsty mayo ass" now
Wild Wild West (1999), dir. Barry Sonnenfeld ⭐⭐ ❤️
Giving this a very rare two-and-heart score because it is a film that is very near and dear to me that - unlike, say, Anaconda - I cannot justify as good. I mean, there are parts of this film that are actively painful to sit through.
And,
there are moments and line reads in this film that are etched onto my soul and undeniably part of my very being. Impossible for me to watch and not reflect on some of the deliveries and think about my own speech patterns, mostly through Kevin Kline. The film boasts a collection of some of my favorite guys and gals, a Bernstein score reflective of its anachronistic Weird West, and the occasional joke that is either good enough or bad enough to make me laugh. I still think one of my best tabletop roleplaying moments was the reveal that someone else at the table and I weren't playing expys of Django and Dr. Schultz but that those were false identities to cover our real expys of Jim West and Artemus Gordon, getting closer to the truth via subterfuge but having to drop it once something went wrong. I thought about this movie every day when playing the new Zelda - specifically the line "why isn't this thing avanti-ing?" because... well, why isn't it?
Also, the movie had my grandma crying with laughter in the theater.
Wicker Man 4K restoration? Wicker Man 4K restoration! WICKER MAN 4K RESTORATION
One Picture
Writing a paper on Baudrillard and this picture.
In closing,
Love can’t just be an obligation. The person you want has to want you just as much on their own. If you force someone to make a commitment, they may, in the moment, choose you and make that commitment, but commitments made under pressure are unlikely to last. The truth is, for a relationship to work, your partner has to commit because they want to - not because you want them to. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.