From the Desk of…
I don’t care what the so-called fact-checkers at Newsweek say, DeSantis definitely said it.
Anyway, my tummy hurts, so expect me to wrap this up quickly such that I can go lie down and tend to my agonies. Backers of State Issue 1 say that it will prevent the Left - so powerful in Ohio, you know - from “destroy[ing] the family unit.” You know, it’s those powerful leftists like Betty Montgomery who are against Issue 1, and we have to safeguard our children from their ideas by spending $24M on “intellectual diversity centers” at state schools to make sure their Socialist Communist Marxist ideas don’t make it into the college curricula. It’s because of those powerful leftists with their CRT that we have to pass vaguely-worded bans on “adult cabaret performances” to make sure our boys in blue can selectively enforce the law against people they don’t like. All the more reason to vote No on Issue 1 on or before August 8th, to make sure leftists like John Kasich and Bob Taft can abolish the nuclear family with force. Remember: a fundamental tenet of fascism via Eco is that contradictory belief that the enemy is both weak and strong. Maybe I’ve only read his essay “Ur-Fascism,” but I’m getting a lot of fascist vibes from this recent Republican rhetoric…
SAG-AFTRA is on strike, and coupling that with the WGA strike means I’m getting offers for my unproduced works like Senator Meow and the Meowlets, the animated comedy that every studio passed on for being too derivative of both Top Cat and Jabberjaw. It’s called homage, you morons! Columbus plans to build a staggering five miles of protected bike lanes a year for the next five years. That’s opportunity, baby! Meanwhile, a historical marker for our first lesbian bar lasted a month before someone punched it off for some unknown reason. At least, I remember the verb being “punch.” They still haven’t released the footage. It would worry me if the guy were punching signs like this and breaking them. Can’t be good for the signs. Turns out some people are making money hand over fist pretending to be NPCs on TikTok Live. If you’ve ever wished you could have a Tamagotchi that was a living breathing person, well, I guess now’s your chance. Ohio Secretary of State Frank LaRose, surprising no one, is running for senate, and, surprising no one, is already bungling it with bad ads and bad kickoff calls.
If you’re a certain kind of dork and you like either scary video games or the works of Dario Argento, you’d be wise to pick up the Clock Tower remaster they’re working on. Of course, some of us have played Legally Obtained and Translated copies for years, but I don’t expect y’all to be as weird about it as I am.
The Brain Dump
going off in the grocery store, knocking things over and hollering because they're out of frozen loaded potato skins, then pointing at my shirt that says SERVICE ANIMAL when they try to kick me out
just heard some sleigh bells in the house?
Twin Peaks but the Roadhouse is a Texas Roadhouse
mfs love to sit on their tuffets eating their curds and whey
Fox in the Snow biscuits are lowkey goated when having a good morning is the vibe
I won’t be discussing the Fran Drescher bit at this time.
At the Movies
Some exciting theater times recently!
The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001), dir. Takashi Miike ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
Richard truly has one of the GOATed character introductions. Also this should be the third season of The White Lotus.
The Princess Bride (1987), dir. Rob Reiner ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
i had an upset tummy when i turned this on so it was like Peter Falk was reading to me and i'm healed now because this movie is actual magic
The Unknown (1927), dir. Tod Browning ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
To think that this is going to be on disc and like 33% longer the next time I watch it!
I’m so excited for this release. Freaks is of course an all-timer, but The Unknown… now that’s a movie. I can’t wait to see the footage that was newly discovered last year… 95 years after its release… the dream is still alive for flicks like London After Midnight… or a full release of Greed…
One Picture
Average Columbus Drivers below.
In closing,
Alfred Nobel, who invented dynamite and started some kinda awards thing, once said that worry is the stomach’s worst poison. Worrying can have a corrosive effect on our physical and mental well-being, eating away at our peace and happiness like some sort of rust monster. Worry leaves us unsettled and drained, and that can become a self-perpetuating cycle. It’s better to address those worries head-on and let them go than it is to live in their shadows and let them fester. Until next time, look out for yourself, and try to let yourself relax.