From the Desk of…
I’ve a tinge of the rhume today, so I’ll probably save some longer narrativizing recaps for next week when I’m feeling better, or dead. After all, there’s really only one piece of news worth regurgitating since the last dispatch:
Henry Kissinger, War Criminal, Dead at 100
There was, of course, much calloohing and callaying that night. Only a week ago? Seems like forever. Like the old saying goes, “hell is patient.”
In federal news, George Santos finally got (permanently?) expelled from the House. I talked about this possibility back in May, so you can go read it there.
In small updates about the DeWine/Husted bribery scandal, here’s Mikey opening his mouth until the AG tells him to shut up. Expect me to talk more about Sam Randazzo, whose name you recognize if your brain is broken by Ohio politics, next week.
In other local news, the Flag Lady died. And, in local news to come, Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH) announced that Amtrak is coming to our town. I’ll believe it when I can buy a ticket and sit in a seat, but this is by far the most promising step towards having intercity rail that the state has seen in some time. Everyone wants the 3C+D route… but that Columbus to Chicago route will actually change my life. Positively, even!
Speaking of positive change, expect a breakdown next week of what actually happens with Issue 2, since Senate Republicans are trying to countermand the will of the voters at the last minute. Please… please just legalize it.
I don’t remember anything happening in sports recently… oh wait, the Crew are going to the MLS finals and royally screwed up their ticket situation. Yes, that’s probably all.
The Brain Dump
my body is inventing new endorphins and molecules unknown to science
one of the merriest parts of the christmas season is gaslighting children and telling them they're under constant surveillance
drinking a senator meow (diet coke mixed with coke zero)
just cited an eight-year-old email from my archives to prove a point... gonna ride this high the rest of the day
mfs love donning that gay apparel
Someone has already finished the Christmas Challenge, so that’s one trinket in the sack.
At the Movies
But what have I been watching?
Christmas in Connecticut (1945), dir. Peter Godfrey ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
getting my fake husband hammered drunk before asking him if a war hero and my boss can crash here for like a month
He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985), dirs. Bill Reed, Ernie Schmidt ⭐⭐
they should've focused more on Orko hearing the story of the Christ
Pee-wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special (1988), dirs. Paul Reubens, Wayne Orr ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
pee Wee you have to stop. You smoke too tough. Your swag too different. Miss Yvonne is too bad. they’ll kill you
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989), dir. Jeremiah S. Chechik ⭐⭐⭐⭐
a touching tribute to the powerful perseverance of one family before the giant moon majora mask's the whole hughesiverse out of cinematic history
Eyes Wide Shut (1999), dir. Stanley Kubrick ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
i tell you one thing, my eyes are wide open whenever kidman is on the screen, awooga
Elf (2003), dir. Jon Favreau ⭐⭐⭐⭐
do you think zooey deschanel's character had to explain sex to buddy
The Christmas Card (2006), dir. Stephen Bridgewater ⭐⭐
i guffawed when that troop got exploded. movie should've been more about that
but like her boyfriend didn't do anything wrong, right? like he just was more urbane and genteel than the rough loggers, and ed asner didn't like him. but like why am i supposed to be against him narratively. who is the card against. who are we doing it versus.
one thing i don't do on holiday break is get a temp job at a lumber mill. well. the packard sawmill, maybe.
ed asner should've married the dude. now that would be a movie. paul did nothing wrong. what a bad movie
Feast of the Seven Fishes (2019), dir. Robert Tinnell ⭐⭐⭐⭐
colleen was right, it's giving youngstown
But Meow, I hear you asking, didn’t you watch anything new? Now come on. You think I have the time for that? Yes. Yes, I did. For contemporary watchers, here’s three more reviews of movies probably still playing near you.
The Holdovers (2023), dir. Alexander Payne ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
it's a little The Ice Storm, it's a little that episode of the Twilight Zone with Donnie Please in it, it's a little Harold and Maude, it's kinda like a Christmas gumbo, it moves to the beat of carols
Dream Scenario (2023), dir. Kristoffer Borgli ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Good work from Cage here, not quite sure I was sold on all the turns of the plot, a strangely relatable movie, and not just the part where he embarrasses himself instead of getting some easy action.
Godzilla Minus One (2023), dir. Takashi Yamazaki ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
""this is cinema" - martin scorsese" - senator meow
alright, now that I have a moment, this is probably going to land in my top five Godzilla flicks, and it's probably got the best human action in decades, and it's got at least one thrilling action sequence, and it evinces sincere emotion from the viewer. but i have to sit with it.
One Picture
I thought I was going to get Brigadoon’d walking in here. And if I had? It would’ve been worth it. A true Christmas miracle.
In closing,
Similar to last week, I’ll leave you with one of Darlene Love’s legendary performances of “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” on Letterman. For my money, it’s the best Christmas song.
Until next time, try to get some of your holiday shopping in. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.
Strong agree on Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).
Oh boy, the He-Man special. I respect that they just went for it and threw Jesus in there, I suppose, even though it's weird as hell. Other things I enjoy about it:
-the little robot that sounds like Bill Cosby for some reason
-"They're turning into other forms! What EVIL machines!"
-Skeletor has a Grinch moment (I actually think this last 10 minutes is pretty funny, but yeah, the rest is a chore and this is coming from a guy who watches The Secret of the Sword for fun)