From the Desk of…
Sinuses are kicking my keister still, and I’ve gone crosseyed from staring into the Matrix of movie runtimes, so let’s be brief.
Frank “Third Place LaLoser” LaRose has floated yet another undemocratic idea: banning ballot drop boxes. Further, he wants to make our voting laws even more onerous, asking the legislature to require proof of citizenship to vote. None of that matters for November, thankfully.
Thankfully.
In a great PR move, Columbus has gotten a restraining order against that cybersecurity expert who was pointing out how much data the city let out onto the dark web. That’s right… you question Da Mayor’s office, you get Da Mayor’s goons on your door… or in your park.
Eating good today? Well, it might be your last lunch, if you’re buying the premium meats. Turns out that special seasoning in Boar’s Head is—you guessed it—mold and bugs and stuff. 57 hospitalizations, nine deaths, listeria running hog wild on people who thought they were getting the fancy stuff. Of course, those of you with long memories may recall when USDA “took [Trump]’s deregulation directive and completed 38 deregulatory items for every five regulatory items,” items like having fewer inspectors in slaughterhouses and speeding up production. Gee, if only we could’ve known that something like this could happen when people put profits over the wellbeing of others.
And, as you may have heard, Johnny Gaudreau, known to many as Johnny Hockey and as late of the Columbus Blue Jackets, was killed last week by a drunk driver while out biking with his brother Matthew the night before their sister’s wedding. It’s a tragedy all around.
The Brain Dump
guy who doesn't believe in anthropogenic climate change but does believe Democrats are using HAARP to create severe weather events to make people believe in anthropogenic climate change
tired: signs don't vote
wired: signs show open support and can be used to gauge social acceptance of candidates, implicitly making the case that such support is normative in the local community
inspired: signs don't vote
Michael Douglas having a mental break due to his inability to get a breakfast sandwich after 11:30 in Falling Down is a quintessential example of an Egg MacGuffin
taking my phone out in the theater and googling "what's the point of the movie i'm watching" at maximum brightness
walking into Fox in the Snow and ordering whatever makes sense
At the Movies
Lots of reviews I have embargoed on account of the October Surprises… so here’s these.
Stagecoach (1939), dir. John Ford ⭐⭐⭐⭐❤️
Not a great John Wayne movie, but a great movie with John Wayne in it.
Ma (2019), dir. Tate Taylor ⭐⭐⭐⭐
"You smell good... like your daddy."
I guess if you had to make this movie, this is about the best way you could make this movie? Nothing WOWED me, but it was all... good enough? I would watch 2 Ma 2 Furious.
Also, it was set in, like, Valley View.
Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), dir. Russell Mulcahy ⭐⭐
Do you want to watch a Mad Max movie and also Day of the Dead, but you only have 1.5 hours free? Well, you should probably pick one of those and watch most of it instead. I'm tired of this cinematic universe, these people. I'm tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives.
One Picture
Mount Vernon’s favorite son. Get ready, folks!
In closing,
Listen, I know it can be tough, but accepting help is often the right thing to do. Whatever struggles may be weighing you down, they might not be able to be carried by another—but that other person can support you on the long walk to Mount Doom. You don’t have to carry our burdens alone. Whether it’s leaning on a friend, seeking guidance, or just letting someone lend a hand, opening ourselves up to support can make the journey more manageable. By accepting help, we’re making the best use of the time and resources we have, ensuring we don’t walk our path alone.
Until next time, go and wash your car or bike or scooter or whatever. We could use the rain.